Ever have one of those days where you just feel like you don’t live up to everyone’s expectations? Ya today was one of those days. Started at 4am and only got worse. I was awoken from a dream where I had recolonized a friendship with a friend who thinks she did wrong by me when in reality I couldn’t care less about what she did. So like the idiot I am I Facebooked her since she long since deleted me as a friend on Facebook. Anyway it didn’t end the way I wanted. I think it a bridge that has since been burnt. Then my dad treats me like a live in maid and when I decide it’s too much for me to handle I shutdown. So the kitchen is a mess and my dogs kennel stinks. So he got onto me about both. I know I’m not my prodigal brother but I try my damnedest to keep this house running when all he does is mow the yard and do his own laundry. I feel like I have two kids who won’t do their chores. But I have none of the authority to tell them what to do. I understand my mom because she has Parkinson’s disease and can’t do much but my dad doesn’t even take the trash out any more. It all pisses me off. Then it scares me shitless about what would happen when I move out. I’m tired of being compared to my brother and the freaking double standard they have built around me. Hell if I were to date someone local I’d have meet them at Walmart because it’s a safe zone that is in the public. I can’t drive outside of a 30 mile radius yet he can drive anywhere. He gets the newer cars and I’m stuck with ones that are on their last legs. I’m fed up with all the crap. I’m fed up with not feeling good enough for these people. Maybe I’ll just turn into the cold hearted bitch some claim I am.